Peaches and I went out with friends last night. One of the women who was sitting at our table we were meeting for the first time. Penny was delightful, full of energy with an inspiring perspective on life. She was also filled with excitement because her long time partner very recently gave her a lovely promise ring proclaiming her intent to be together always; Penny was giddy as she showed off her ring.

Peaches and I were snuggled up in a corner of the booth, chatting with the others at the table, being fun and playful as we always are. Penny, never having met us before, wanted to know if Peaches and I had only just met. She was surprised to hear that, not only are we a long-term couple, but that we’re married. She said that we exuded that “new couple vibe”, and she couldn’t understand how we’ve managed to sustained that just-met-exuberance into cohabitating, marrying and melding (or not) of families. Peaches and I looked at each other and like a couple of goofy kids said in unison, “Gratitude lists!”

Peaches and I shared our story, how we pointedly, consciously live our lives in gratitude, and from that fertile, well tended soil springs forth an abundance of joy, love and playfulness. Never before have either of us ever experienced so much playfulness and ease in a long-term relationship. And this kind of relationship ease doesn’t just happen, not even for us; it’s something we consciously choose for. We have it on good authority that we can both be difficult to get along with. We can be demanding and moody and confrontational. But all those sad, difficult characteristics so much evident in relationships from our respective pasts are like weeds in our present gratitude garden of delights. All that thrives in our gratitude rich experiences these days is the wonderful, the playful, the joyous and the loving.

And it’s so simple to cultivate a gratitude garden! Whether one is in a happy or unhappy relationship, happily or unhappily single, regardless of one’s job situation, family situation, health situation, if one looks around there’s always something to feel grateful for. See it, acknowledge it, write it down, make a list.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’ve been taught to believe is the measure of a successful life. Career, money, possessions, power. Spouse, 2.5 kids, good standing in the community. Pays bills on time, nice home, nice car, stays out of trouble, looked up to by peers, duty to family.

What I was not taught to expect as part of success is JOY!

I now know that the PRIMARY standard of success is the achievement of JOY in one’s life. So long as one strives for joy first, all that matters will fall in place along with that.

There are those who would call this a selfish perspective. Bosses, family members, spouses might desire or demand of us attitudes and behaviors that will make THEM more comfortable, and when we refuse to bend to their own selfish demands for duty first, or keeping up appearances or whatever, then they might call us selfish and demand retribution. Those who would call Peaches and me selfish for putting our own joy first and for not bending to their demands on us perhaps don’t even recognize the irony of their hypocritical expectation that we should behave in a way that will make them more comfortable, and that if we don’t give in to their (selfish) desires for us to be somehow different, then we’re being selfish.

Peaches and I have come to understand the meaning of success! We each put ourselves first and each other second. All that’s loving and joyous and abundant is then drawn to us, like a moth to the light. All that’s dark and unhappy and restrictive rejects us, excluding us from the circle of unhappiness and suffering, as if to punish us.

And our life experience becomes more and more joyful, loving and playful as a result.

Believe in this: the joyful path of expanding love and gratitude that Peaches and I have chosen to walk together is 100% available and easily accessible to all who would have the joy that we’ve found. Make the decision to look for things to feel good about; the joy of life is all around you. The more you look for things to feel good about, the more things to feel good about will appear in your life.

Nothing is more important than that you feel good! Success in all that matters is but a decision away.

XO,

K